Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Name Says it All...or Does It?

A name can say a lot about a person or it can totally contradict everything about that person.  In my particular case the name of this site - my two most used nicknames - it says everything and then absolutely nothing.  Taken literally and apart shorty indicates short...which I'm not.  In my home area ( I say area because in small towns saying home town just doesn't say enough and my home area indicates two counties and two states) I am a full foot above the average woman in height.  Then there's Belle which means beautiful...which...by my own standards, I am not.  We won't go into detail about my looks - I've turned a head or two (could have been turned by my height as well) but well...we just shouldn't go into detail about my looks.  So by literal standards, the name means...nothing in relation to me.

Then there's the other meaning.  Like that other guy or girl, that other meaning is a lot deeper than it looks.  Going back to the Shorty portion of the name, it is who I was growing up.  My dad's nick name is Short...which he is not either standing a full 6'4" above ground level.  I was the oldest born so when I started showing characteristics of sharing his traits -namely the height - they added the 'y' and called me Shorty.  It was "Shorty" that went on team shirts.  It was "Shorty" I often signed as my name in yearbooks and on cards and letters.  It was "Shorty" I answered to and "Shorty" people in the Valley knew me as.  It was me...and through that nick name it was everything - a tie to my dad and a smile when it was called.  Oh there were other names that came with the height and smile but we'll delve into those in later blogs.

The Belle...ahhhhhh the Belle.  I left my little home area, Northern New Mexico/Southern Colorado, and hit college.  I played ball and discovered I wasn't the tallest girl in the world...not by a longshot.  Shorty came to have a different meaning all together but one that wasn't so bad.  However, it wasn't going to stick with everyone - still stuck with many, mind you, and I will still look around when I hear someone shout "Hey Shorty!"  At the time of college my absolute favorite movie out of all my favorite movies - not that I saw a whole lot of movies at that time in my life - was Disney's Beauty and the Beast.  The main character is Belle.  I could quote the movie word for word and turned to mush every time the prince came back to life at Belle's tears and words of endearment.  Then there was my original name...you know the one given to me at birth.  Clara.  It's one of those names that sounds so simple - means 'clear' in most languages - and yet can sound so complex so ancient, speaking generations and generations with just a simple speaking of it.  It is traditional, it is old, it is royal and sacred and...there is no translation of it in the poetic Japanese language.  (just a bit of randomness there in case there wasn't already enough)
My grandmother - who has held the name far longer than myself - warned me of the Legendary cow and the dreaded nick names that came from her and forever landed on someone named Clara.  Yep, you might have guessed it...ClaraBelle.
After my grandmother's warning of the name I dreaded it, thinking it had to be the most horrid of all nicknames. 
Truth be told 'ClaraBelle' wasn't used that often to get my attention.  Oh, there was once or twice I can honestly recall it.  'Belle' was used.  It was first used after the nick had been mentioned at the same time I'd quoted something witty from the movie.  From then on, for a certain group of friends I was Belle.  It was a nick, it was nothing...and then it was everything and the everything was pointed out when I graduated the first time from college.  One of our group couldn't drive himself - he'd been in a serious car accident and had lost most of his motor skills - including that of speech.  He was waiting for me in the dorm lobby as we'd planned on him riding to the gym with me that day.  I was still fussing with my dress - that WOULD be covered by a colored gown - and had just got finished chastising myself by saying, "Guess it doesn't matter anyway..."  when he slowly stood and walked over to me.  He motioned for me to stop rather than keep walking.  In his slow drawn out even forced words he said, "Belle, you are beautiful and I wish you knew just how beautiful."  When I looked into his eyes and saw the earnestness in his thoughts Belle became everything.
So where's this first long blog going?  Well, I'll tell ya...like my nick names Shorty and Belle this blog site will be full of EVERYTHING and NOTHING and sometimes I'll discuss them all at the same time.  I'm a plethora of randomness sometimes.
And...I'm hoping you enjoy that plethora of randomness, everythings and nothings, as much as I did in experiencing them.

3 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed both blogs...anyone who knows you can hear the words coming straight from your mouth...isn't that what a blog is supposed to be? Please don't let anyone change who you are or how you write!!!! Steve

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really don't think it's "all over the place"..as one has said...because this post speaks about Names...your names, whether nick or not...it has a FOCUS as your next blog speaks about ;o) Yeah I'm reading out of order. I love your style my friend, Clara! It's you and I love it/you!!!
    Cindy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you both for your comments :) Thank you for becoming followers too :D I kinda liked the comment about being 'all over the place'. It gave me clarity for my second blog and like Steve mentioned ;) it is me.

    I'm thrilled you can see my voice in my words...I'm smiling as I'm writing this. It is a high compliment and I will do my best not to let anyone else change my writing. Though be warned ;) it changes with my moods!!!! Muahahaha

    I enjoy reading your blogs and feel like California won't be so far away as long as you keep writing.

    ReplyDelete