Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hunting the Healing


The dried herbs crumbled in the mortar beneath the gentle pressing of his pestle.  The whisper of a sound alerted him he had company.  Without pausing in his labor he closed his eyes and drew in a long deep breath.  His thin lips stretched and curled at the corners into a smile that parted to expose his razor sharp teeth.

"I smell dried blood, sweat - horse and mortal - leather, polished steel, the remains of polishing compound, roses, and…" The pause was caused by his frown.  His eyes looked ahead then dropped down to the crushed herb.  "I smell a traitorous liniment, no doubt taken from a dead man.  Likely it is his blood I smell and not your own.  It has far too salty a scent to have come from your slender self.  It was a recent squabble and squabble it must have been.  I smell no recently shed blood of your own so fight it could not have been."

"If it helps," she said as her body moved through the dark sheer fabric separating his quarters from the world outside, "I used the liniment on my horse."

He breathed through his nostrils.  "It doesn't.  The stench still remains.  I thought you cared for your horse."  He turned then and greeted her with a bow.  "It is always a good sight to see you, Aislinn."  When he straightened from the bowing, his catlike eyes moved over her form.  Already all but her undergarments had been removed and were likely being seen to by his hand maids.  Quickly, he ascertained new wounds and stress placed on old injuries.  Again, he'd have his work cut out for him.  He expected nothing less from her visits.  "However, before I come near enough to lay a healing hand on your overworked body you will bathe."  And with that he lifted his hand toward the door to his right.  His brows arched as he tilted his head toward his patient as though waiting for quarrel.
She gave none.  She never did.  Despite the deaths of friend and foe that haunted her dreams, the bodies laid to rest by her hand, the calluses shielding her hands and heart, she was very much a woman and as such never turned down the offer of a bath. 

"At your leisure, my lady," he said with a wink. He watched her disappear then turned back to his mortar and pestle, returning to his work.  The 'lady's leisure' gave him plenty of time to finish tonight's work.

By the time she'd finished her bathing, candles had been lit and scattered throughout the main room as well as the healing chamber.  His long ebony hair had been pulled back from his face, braided and wrapped in a white band.  His darker robes had been changed to the white silk he wore when healing.  It was a stark contrast to his dark skin and hair, but when he smiled it accentuated the bright white of his teeth. 

When Aislinn entered the chamber he bowed to her then turned his back to allow her privacy enough to slip out of her own white robe and beneath the silken sheet of the bed.  Once he'd heard her body still he turned.

"It is a much more pleasant smell," he commented as he stepped to the side of the bed.  "Not that there isn't anything amiss with the smell of blood and gore, exertion, all that sort of thing."  He gave a mock shudder and glanced down to see if his bedside manner got the desired grin.  She never disappointed.  There it was and her hazel eyes danced in their brightness.  She was among a friend and as such showed the rare side of her - the woman.  He raised his hands up and held them inches above her body.  "I dare not bore you with the tedious nature of what it is I do.  By now I'm sure you could trade places with me and do just as well.  Seriously, Aislinn, do you not worry about your reputation?  As often as you visit me in secret there must be whispered rumors about a love affair?"   

He caught the roll of her eye and frowned at her.  "If not your reputation what of mine…" he paused as he came to a cracked rib.  His lips pursed and his eyes narrowed.  His focus turned to the pain in the injury.  He saw to the pain first, then he saw to the mending of it and did so without so much as laying a finger upon her flesh.  A breath indicated his finish for the particular injury an he continued both with examination and with banter.  "You might be surprised to hear this but I am quite the catch.  Should the whispers continue I can see my social life taking a serious dive."

She started to speak only to bite her lip as he came across a deeper wound than the first.  He liked to start with the simple ones and gradually make his way to those that would draw forth tears in even the bravest of warriors.  "Would that have been surprise in your tone?" he asked as he moved from the healed spot to another, this one by her shoulder.  "You think me a lonely old bachelor, is it?  Picture me comfortable in my solace? This one is going to hurt," he said and lowered his hand toward the injured shoulder.  He closed his eyes, he didn't need to see her writhing beneath him.  He could feel the pain as it left her body and came into his, only to be released into the energies that surrounded him.  The breeze and the light of the candles drawing them unto themselves and taking the pain into the natural world where it would be better put to use. 

When her breathing eased he moved on both in conversation and in search of those wounds base healers would not dare touch. "I'm offended," he declared, "that you'd even consider me the miserly sort.  Were you on your horse when you took this tumble?"  Her collar bone wasn't broken but the strain placed on it was enough to have caused a break on a frailer body.  She wasn't breathing enough to give him answer.  "You must remember to breath," he reminded her.  "Otherwise all that I do is fight through your shields and you know I always win when you are without your sword.  It is my will against your pain and my will the stronger of the two as pain is - as they say - weakness leaving the body.  If you're not breathing you're not letting it leave your body."

She took his council and breathed in and then out.  He felt her tremble and considered giving her rest before continuing.  "You wouldn't have it that way though would you, my lady warrior.  You will finish what you've started, show me that you're stronger than anyone could possibly fathom.  After all, you must be," his hands moved over her face, pausing on either side of her head.  His voice lowered now as he spoke seriously.  "Impossibly strong or cursed, isn't it?"  He knew she could not move, would not move and could not argue with his logic.  

He held her where she lay without so much as touching his cool hands to her warm flushed cheeks.  He couldn't get inside her head either.  Her shields were up and strong as ever.  "Cursed to watch everyone who fought with you yield up their lives," he continued in a voice that soothed the savage sea,  "cursed to wander alone, not daring to love again knowing all too well the dangers, finding solace in your exile, coming to savor every beating you take from the foe, secretly hoping that one day you will join those that have gone before you but at the same time feeling the unexplainable revelation each and every time your sword strikes home into the villain.  You are hardly a riddle, Aislinn."  Then as though he spoke of the weather he continued with, "Roll over.  I dare say there's a pretty good wound waiting my attention beneath your shoulder blade.  You trusted the one that struck there."

He released his hold on her and waited for her to settle again on the table, watched as the wave of red tresses fell over her shoulders off the bed and toward the floor.   "The worst kind of wound," he commented.  "But also the best kind.  The kind that shows you are still willing to trust, still willing to sacrifice, the strongest kind of strong.  Breath in," he said and he fell silent to work out the pain and scarring from the wound dealt to her by one she considered a friend.  It took longer to draw forth, she had to be convinced to release the pain before he could heal it.  "There is no need to draw so tightly into yourself," he assured her.  "You are among the safest of the safe, after all.  By now, you should know we are involved, lady warrior. I might be the only living person to k now you so well."
 
And then he paused, then he withdrew from her and stepped back.  He looked down upon her covered form as though seeing her for the first time this evening.  His heart thundered in his chest but his arrogance could not allow him admittance.  "And now you will sleep," he said waving his hand to silence the loud light offered by the candles.  As he turned, he waved his hand in the air, "And when you wake, you will dress and have dinner with me.  After all, we must give those whispers something of a warrant."